Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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