i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
