Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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