You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
