I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
