Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
