if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
