One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
