It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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