Moan for me like Helen Keller
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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