I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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