I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
