i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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