I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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