You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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