oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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