You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
