I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
