garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
