return my video game
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
