what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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