I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
