1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
