What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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