he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
