so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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