if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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