forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
