and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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