3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
