I will die if light touches me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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