Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
