I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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