Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
