I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
