He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
