ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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