So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
