Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
