it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
