This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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