I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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