I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
