I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
