I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
