You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
