pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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