were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
