So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
