I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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