if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
