Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
