im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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