Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
