I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
