I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
