ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
