What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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