I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
