I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
