I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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