Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize