So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
whose ass print is on the piano?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
